中译英|老舍《骆驼祥子》节选
他没有什么模样,使他可爱的是脸上的精神。头不很大,圆眼,肉鼻子,两条眉很短很粗,头上永远剃得发亮。腮上没有多余的肉,脖子可是几乎与头一边儿粗;脸上永远红扑扑的,特别亮的是颧骨与右耳之间一块不小的疤——小时候在树下睡觉,被驴啃了一口。他不甚注意他的模样,他爱自己的脸正如同他爱自己的身体,都那么结实硬棒;他把脸仿佛算在四肢之内,只要硬棒就好。
【参考译文】
Though not traditionally handsome, he is charming for his spirited appearance. On his not very big head that is always clean-shaven are short, thick eyebrows, round eyes, and a fleshy nose. While his cheeks are lean, his neck is almost as thick as his head. A noticeable scar is left on his rosy face between his right cheekbone and ear, for he was once bitten by a donkey while sleeping under a tree as a child. He does not pay much attention to his looks. To him, his face is just a part of his body. He only appreciates his face and body for their sturdiness.
VeRy,男,电气民工,经济学人资浅爱好者
Alf,小小少年,很多烦恼
Lora,一只庸俗的骡,一只脱离了高级趣味的骡
Lora,一只庸俗的骡,一只脱离了高级趣味的骡
1,对祥子的面容描写比较“散”,翻译时可以考虑调整语序,比如译文版本是先描写头,再从上到下交代眉毛、眼睛、鼻子,并且将“头不很大”翻译成状语。
2,腮上没肉和脖子粗是有些矛盾的,前者通常是消瘦的特征,后者通常是肥胖的特征,因此译者加上了while引导让步状语。
3,破折号引出的是祥子疤痕的来历,译者灵活地处理为for表原因,将逻辑关系显化了,更符合英文的写作习惯。
4,他不甚注意他的模样,他爱自己的脸正如同他爱自己的身体,都那么结实硬棒;他把脸仿佛算在四肢之内,只要硬棒就好。
个人认为这句话的处理空间比较大,可以将原文重复的语义适当整合,不是非要直译。本译文重点突出祥子对脸没有美观方面的要求,只要求结实耐用这一层意思。
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